The Funny Truth

WILD Stories: Baywatch Pamela Anderson and The Viper Room in LA

• Adam Jay / Gatsby The Artist / Mike Faverman • Season 1 • Episode 16

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Comedian Mike Faverman tells the story of seeing Baywatch Pamela Anderson at the Viper Room in LA and how that sold him on moving there even before he got into being a comedian.

Mike and I discuss our experiences being in different comedy scenes, performing at LESS than ideal bar shows and open mics. Mike and I also discuss how some celebrities handle fame better than others.

The conversation goes all over the place from comedy to sports, STDs, and more!

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So we went to the Viper Room that night and Pamela Anderson was there in her primes. That sold me on LA. I don't care. I'll join you Illuminati, dude. I don't care. I'll do it. Her violin improv. The girl was like, she was just eating sh**. And I'd just gone up before and I did a really good set. But I kept popping my head out. Every time her joke wouldn't land on the floor. And the crowd would just see my head and they'd get a big laugh and she was like... You're now rockin' with the funny truth Because it's better when I laugh The truth is more appealing when it put you on your ass Keep it real, I will make it slap with the real I feel like everybody got a cap And I'm finna reveal it through a joke The human is the way that I provoke It's the only way to get you to promote So here we go, we gettin' serious now It's the truth, but you know we gotta give you a smile You know we gotta that now stick around and we gon' make you laugh out loud stick around and we gon' make you laugh out loud you're now rockin' with the funny tru Yeah. But yeah, it was a shit show and I try not to do those anymore because I kind of was raised on those shit gigs. Yeah. You know what I mean? We walk into an Applebee's and they remove like a booth and like, there's your stage. The flyer should have been an indication. You know what? A lot of the flyers. You know what? I should have been smarter than that. But you know what? I do like comedy for like. Sport if the sport of it also is like I met Jesse before and and he gave me a cool gig So it's like yeah, I kind of owe it to me as a friend. Yeah, exactly. I you know, I have sympathy And it's just nice, you know, sometimes nice to to go in and do well for somebody. Yeah Yeah, but man wasn't a struggle. It was a struggle, dude yeah, cuz they're screaming shit out and they're enjoying it but they appreciate comedy differently when they like a joke they heckle you yeah yeah that's what I was saying that's what I was saying about like like black rooms like when the break room used to have their open mic yeah that's what I learned that like I would come out with a fentanyl joke like that kills there and then like they all start turning start talking to each other like they laugh and they're like you're like forget that someone's on stage talking you gotta be like Yeah. It just sparks conversation as it always does sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. So. That's where we met. I'm about to go on stage. He goes, you next? I'm like, unfortunately. I guess so. You're the guy Jesse told me about. Yeah. Good luck. Yeah, man. But it's cool out here, man. I love the comedy. yeah. It's a great place to develop. Still a resident of Oregon, but I like to do my comedy out here. Yeah. Because Portland's like the worst city to do comedy in the future. I don't know anything other than that Harvey's. I don't know. yeah. But I only got like seven clubs. Yeah, there's just one club out there and then the rest is gonna be like bar shows. And he's not very like open to developing comics or he wasn't when I knew him. Well, that's how most I think big clubs big clubs have a choice. They can go the corporate corporate route or they're like a Harvey's. I never I wasn't doing comedy. Harvey's was. really? They just started up like the brand again for like pop up shows like if you're like don't tell shows. Yeah. Yeah. So they're having like their own little Harvey's pop up type thing. Hey, can I bring up the story that I wanted to tell? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely He says his just like fat. Yeah, I was listening, you know on Instagram just like was telling the story how he and Nate Bart garzi was on an elevator huh and LeBron James got on huh and I won't butcher the story but long story short Bargazi was like to let me see your dick. No, he wasn't to LeBron No, he didn't know he didn't know you hear the story Bargazi and funny great comic but he's kind of seemed straight laced but I Apparently he was let me see you. Let me see your dick in the bronze like what? Come on man. Let me see it and then and then Bargazi said something like If you show me a dick, I'll take one of your pubes and put it in my mouth and swallow it. And I'll never brush my teeth again. And he said they were with jeselnack too. So jeselnack's just like, And he said the tension in the elevator is like, But I guess Lebron was like, you guys got jokes? Yeah. He was playful. And I think he gave him a pub. No way. He swallowed it and they got out of the elevator with the separate ways. And they said he never talked about it again. i heard that story i was like that's who told that story jesunek told he's like that's the story i'm telling But I just start today. Okay. I love I have to look that up. I love those stories. When comics get together man. It's reckless. It's reckless. It's reckless. It's chainless. It's reckless. It's just tremendous. Because nobody feeds off each other like comics. You want to one up each other. Always. But it's always you get nothing to lose. You're with a friend. It's definitely a memory like that story. Yeah. I've had some stories of the whole area story. yeah, I know. It's like me and this guy. I mean, whenever we go out and we're like going out and one of us is just too much. It's like the other one has to almost dial it back just to balance it out. But there's sometimes there's sometimes we're just we're just all hell breaks loose. yeah. that's great. Yeah. What do you guys big drinkers? You go out and rip it up that way or do you just talk to people? Sometimes all the above. Yeah. I mean, you name it. Yeah. Like when I'm by myself, I'm usually Quiet yeah, we just need a little a judge from this guy and of course like I'm with the friends You guys got my back I'm gonna say He was at a like an after party was an after party was like a regular party where Eric had to say autistic like really not feeling you. Well, yeah, like, well, because like, you know, you walk in somewhere where you're the stranger and everyone else's family and like they're all getting along and like, what's what's your your comedian? And you're just like, and then I start drinking and shit. And like, all of a sudden, I don't know, I find myself in these like situations where it's like, why am I in this confrontation right now? I don't even know what happened. How do we get here? How do we get here? Yeah, like the that's when you know, it's a good night. When it's like, I'm a I'm a class clown, but I'll fuck with people too. Like, they'll think I'm serious and just like draw them in. I don't know what I did, but it was like the ladies, whoever's house was, is the mom. And it was like all her kids and then like all the family. It was me and the mom now going at it. Arguing or? Yeah, like I wasn't. You know what happens is sometimes you'll, it happens with women with me a lot. We're all like say something and like pisses them off. And instead of like just keeping it here, they're like. They start yelling so everyone can hear and now everyone's like watching and you're like, there we go. Like I was, I did that at another party. I did another party where like it was the, it was the host house again. It was the girl and I was just out there. I was like, yeah. What's your name? Just being cordial. And then we start talking. I was really talking with my friend and we're talking about like, I was talking about sports and like how, you know, starting talking about like betting stuff, stuff that girls don't want to talk about and blah, blah, blah. And then like, she's like, you're like, really weird. I hear like blah blah. And I was like, yeah, I have a tendency to scare the hoes away. And she's like, I'm not a hoe. I was like, I didn't say you were, but I mean, somebody's hoe. And then she freaked out. Everyone started listening and she's like, you know what, maybe I'm okay. So what? I am a hoe. Look, you started that out. How did we get here? Yeah, dude. I was like, I don't know. Is that like, is it like a common thing when you get drunk? kind of getting arguments with random people. You know, it happens sometimes. It's like, it's like a percentage side of alcohol. You're in the official fucking zone, by the way, in your life. respect to losing the job, in comedy. That's where I think, I think, yeah, that's where I found out. I found out. That's how I found out I'm Jewish, man. You are Jewish. The ability to stir the pot is like, dude, I can't, I don't even try to do it, it just happens. Keep it going, see where that goes. Honestly, it always leads to, listen, I honestly think the reason we're here is because the stories. that we accumulate over time and the shit that happens to us. That's what it's all about. Because I mean, if you're not fucking causing havoc and chaos everywhere you go, then you're not doing it right. dude. Yeah, I was telling you about the stuff that happened with me in Portland. The local comedians seen out there, they are livid. You weren't one of the contests? Well, I didn't win. I took first in that round and moved on to the quarterfinals. And I brought Cause I'm fucking from there. I brought like over 40 people pack that plays out crushed my set. And then, there was like some comedians in the back and others that were on the contest that were just like, this guy's a transphobe. He's ableist. I was like, sorry. Leave it, leave it to Portland. Like, I've never heard the word able is like, if you have to use a made up word to describe it, it's probably not happening. But it's not a made up word. I get like I looked it up. It's it sounds like like ableist like all you think you're better than somebody because you can speak or you know as function is like well isn't that why we have the special Olympics? Isn't that the whole fucking point? Unableist. Isn't that why we have handicap bargaining? Where's the understanding for people like me? Laziness? Well yeah but you come from the there's a big reason why I stopped operating out of that scene is of you couldn't fucking get up there because like part of getting in and on shows it's like getting along with the local scene it was like it's almost like a crime to be like a straight tall good-looking white guy in a place like Portland when you're doing comedy I want to say this and I don't want to be mean but like every city I go to there's a local scene and they all have this really crazy ego and they all think of the shit and they all experience nothing. Right, right. you make the rules on comedy? Yeah. And they walk around like they're fucking the gods of comedy and it blows my mind. I mean they may be the gods of comedy in their small town. In their home. Yeah. And they're the funniest person in their house, dude. But it's like if a headliner comes into town and he's a legitimate headliner, wouldn't you want to like learn or be respectful or nice or something? Or anything else but what you're doing. Or study it. Yeah. So you can actually become a real comic. It's just the eagle blows my mind. Yeah. Every city. It's just they like that importance, that feeling of importance and feeling of life. Yeah. I don't like to feel like that's one of the quotes. I sent you that clip with Adam Dominguez where he was like, if you had a bitch's be like, but comics be like, and he was like, comics be like, I'm important. It's kind of funny though, when you're a young comic and you start kind of killing, you do kind of feel like you're cool. It's because until you make it into that next plateau, it's like you feel good because you're on the rides. And I've gotten that feeling before of like, stuff you know and then people like wow I'm paying attention to you because you're new here and you know I've seen you before but once you get to the point of like okay we've seen you around it's like you're gonna get tired of that real fast real fucking quick cuz then you have to move on to the next plateau yeah you're gonna get to the next level I mean dude listen I'm at the point now it's like I need some fucking followers man yeah you know what I mean it's like without that we don't get into the game like if comedy be like man I need some followers you get in there cuz you I want to be funny And then like each plateau is a new challenge and you're just like and you get to this one or so you get falls like how do you get people to like me? Just like follow me like I'm some kind of Messiah It's like and that's the most annoying thing in the world But that's one of the things I learned early on too is just like the follow me follow and I'm like I feel so stupid Just so dumb dude, and I'm just like but you gotta remind people but Like you like I really fucking need you need you to like me cuz you have to be there We're just in the end and the hard part be accessible accessible the harder thing The crazy thing is like the people closest to you a lot of times are the ones who like They don't want to do that because like for whatever reason I knew people I've read this quote cuz I was always like why is it that like I feel like family and like some of my best friends growing up some of the biggest haters that you get, you know, like just like family, right? Exactly. And it's like. I was like, why is that? And I was reading a quote somewhere. It's like people want to remember you at a time where they have more power over you. yeah. And so I was like, that makes sense. Like, that's why that's why mom still talks to me that way. That's why I like, that's why I used to talk about high school and shit like that. yeah, because that was their prime. It's so funny, because I remember, like, when I was seven years in the company, my family and my family's friends would be like, so what's the backup plan? Yeah, yeah. I was like, why would I have a backup plan if this is working out now? And they're like, well, I mean, is there a living you can make? And it's like, look at some of these comics. They're making $50 million a year. But you can never beat that. But they never want to look at you like that. Well, and then all of a sudden, three years later, when you're doing well, now they're like, hey, can you get us some tickets to the show? Nah, it's already sold out. Did you join the email list? The non -haters got my tickets. Sorry, guys. Yeah. There's some haters man, and I get it. It's a tough industry. Don't get me wrong. I mean probably I think it's I think it's percent of the people who try comedy. I think I think it's the haters that the only ones that really bother me are the ones that were like people that are close to me. It's like that one hurts the most. Those hurt because I've never I've always tried to be like supportive of somebody unless like you think it's actually delusional, you know, like and and still even like I would I used to be an agent. You see a basketball agent. Like a year. and I'd have dudes that like my friends like you try and play pros like given played in like five years and you're like 30 years old and you want to play pros like I don't want to knock your dreams do but I think I'm still better than you though. I don't think I was a comic the other night where he was talking about how Hardy crushes and we're like, I was sure. You sure? You sure about that? I said that. Yeah. Because like after after you had left, somebody else was. talking with them, another one of the comedians on the show, because he'd give me a ride home. And I was like, and he was telling the same stories. And I was like, I was like, he kind of sounds like that guy that has a girlfriend that goes to a different school. You know? yeah. You don't know her, bro. She's hot. Yeah. Hang on to those like moments where they like really killed it or they really and that's all they can think about. Sometimes you think you really did kill it. That's to be dangerous. Yeah. It can cause you to waste a lot of people's time. Do I mean like that one time you got a laugh and meanwhile you don't realize someone pulled their dick up behind you like I'm killing dude, they did that to a local. my god. It's a local comedian out here They had it on film like he's notoriously like like if you ever go into an open mic or anywhere And there's a good crowd if this guy's up before you like, well, now I don't even know if my stuff's gonna work because everyone's gonna leave after this guy. That bad? He's awful. And then like, that's where the delusion comes in is like, okay, you've been doing this for, you know. three, four years and you come every night to every mic and you still suck. Like not even close to. Why do they even put them up anymore? What's the purpose? Well, because it's an open mic and that's what it's for. But sometimes you just need a warm body. Don't they cut some people in the open mic list? Man, they really don't. They should. No, dude, this is the most this is the most this this scene out here is the most like people get so many more opportunities than they deserve out here. What is like? I never really thought about it. That's like such a concept in LA they pick out of a hat because there's so many people who want to go yeah so you're left those people left not they they do it out here but they actually just finish it out really yeah crazy not all the places well not all the place if you want to do club open mics a little different that's a little different but like i'm talking bar bar there's there's so many bar shows and that's a community in and of itself out here yeah but yeah i mean club yeah but not really club open mics there's bringers there was someone that was doing that bro back to it. There's a curtain behind like one of the stages and like someone kept popping their face out and people were dying laughing as this guy's just eating **** and he's just up there thinking he's murdering dude like like finally it's all coming together. It's all about me. but I was like you should post that video that it would just you would crush him. Man yeah, I would destroy this whole fucking thing. It really would because I there was a girl I just shown the improv and Irvine improv the girls up there She was just eating shit, and I just got up before and I did a really good set But I kept popping my head out. I'm telling her joke wouldn't land I would just see my head and we get a big laugh and she was like Jokes is gonna laugh Holy that's like that's like the spongebob shit where he jumps sound on stage is like clean. More of that guy. This guy fucking sucks. This guy stinks. Whatever the quote is. I feel bad for a lot of female comedians like because per capita, a lot of them, a lot of comedians in general are aspiring comedians suck. But or they're at they're not they're just not there yet. Right. but wherever, but like for females it's like. one goes up and sucks, they're a representation of all the females. Yeah, it's tough. I mean, comedy in general is tough. Yeah. But I think in, you know, a lot of people say women are funny and I disagree, but it's like, you can't generalize, but yeah. No, but here's the reason that some of them do is because they don't contour the material universally. They contour it towards women. Sure. And men, I'm going to laugh at the shit that they. Right. don't think it's funny. So if you're just going for 50 % of the audience, you're only going to get maybe 25 % because 25 % is not gonna like it and the other 25 % may like it. Well, red -pilled girls don't like female comedians. What's the Jeff Die quote where he says that men laugh at anything but women have to laugh at something that makes sense to them? Yeah. Jeff Die talked about that. I can't remember that. But I bring female openers to open for me for many years. Yeah. Because I just know how tough of an industry it is. And how tough it is to get opportunities. Yeah, and I have Definitely brought some girls in a have potential. Yeah, and and work hard The problem is is that affirmative action shit where it's like that's what it felt like in a place like a Portland where it's like You're putting the girls on the show because you're trying to be like we look at us. Look at me I'm booking cuz I'm trying to smash not not cuz you're like she's actually really funny and should get an opportunity the good ones, like the really good ones are really, really fucking good. We've had them on the podcast. Yeah, we've had them on the podcast. If you're a good female comedian, we've had you on the podcast. Yeah, we've had you on the podcast. They're hilarious and they're profound. Yeah. Yeah, this is good. This is real good. Adrian Appaloochi. Out of New York she opened up for Louie in his last special. wow watch her stuff to she is like Filler hilarious really dry. yeah. I love that. I love that Her punchlines are just just they just killed. That's what I find. I think I'm a connoisseur of Learning comedy New York style is very much tight written jokes, LA style is theater club students, you know, like, act outs, like I'm doing this because I'm trying to get in a movie or something, where New York's just like straight comedy. Yeah, when I went to New York, I go to New York to usually tape something, you know, and I always go a week before to prep for it, and I'll go to these clubs, man, half a dozen of these clubs I've never been to before, and I've seen comics I've never seen before just murdering. I'm like how the fuck because they get those four or five shows a night Yeah, yeah as opposed to four or five a month. Well, it is like the city to or traditionally has been the city to go to Where are you from? Boston? Okay. Yeah, I kind of wish I had just gone to New York cuz a lot of people from Boston did that like Danes and and burn Yeah, and and a few other Joe listed that but I went to LA man because I needed some son. Yeah Yeah, yeah, and and here's my story man my junior year of college after I finished my junior I'm like I need to get I need to have a different summer. Yeah, so I drove cross -country with this random dude I met at UMass Amherst and I'll be a real good friend. We went to San Diego. great place to go awesome I used to go there every summer from here one of my still to this day one of my favorite cities to go to just so while we were in Diego for the three months of the summer. We're like, let's take a trip. Let's go up to LA because I wanted to go up to LA. Yeah, because I wanted to move to LA eventually. I knew I wanted to drive north. So we went up there. Didn't know what the hell we were. We went to the Viper room because at the time the Viper room was the shit. It was Johnny Depp's. really? Famous people there all the time. And we were like, OK, let's go check this out. Yeah. So we went to the Viper room that night and Pamela Anderson was there in her prime. Holy shit. We're talking Baywatch pride. And bro, when I say this woman glowed, she was by far the hottest thing that I had ever seen in my life. Like she glowed, man. It didn't look like a real person. Like you would sell your soul to the devil for that. Bro, she had like, yeah, I mean, she was prime time. Yeah, but that was the hottest woman on the planet. Yeah, and she was let me tell you Her skin was perfect. Her hair was perfect. She smelled great She had people around her protecting her cheese and that sold me on LA. Yeah, I'm going yeah, that was like the Full like LA experience like holy man. You walked into a place and just saw the biggest celebrity on the planet I don't care. I'll join the Illuminati dude. I don't care. I'll do it. Honestly man, I gotta say that was such an impact on me. Sure. In quite the experience my buddy went up and tried to talk to him. Like ten people walked up to him before he even got close. You know that's one thing that always amazes me is the audacity of like certain dudes like they will lose. You know I have nothing to lose. Nothing to lose. Nothing to lose. I've always been amazed at the audacity. More of a strategic like gonna wait for my opportunity if it never comes God's plan and you know what even if you say something like you know Like you got gum or you know something stupid at least you got the interaction and the experience and the memory It's a memory you would remember for the rest of your life man. Think about that Pamela Anderson heard prime is probably one of the hottest, yeah, of any generation. Yeah, if you made her laugh, dude, I'd tell that story every fucking day. I made her laugh uncomfortably. Was Viper Room, was it a comedy place? No, no, no, Viper Room was like, it was a club and Johnny Depp kind of opened up, it was really small. I would say, maybe a little bit bigger than this hotel. It's really small. Really? Yeah dude. It was tiny. Yeah, like the exclusive clubs like that are usually like that. It's like... And they bring in bands because Johnny's... you know, he did music. But mostly it turned into like celebrity... depression house Because when you know, yeah, you know the counting crows that been accounting. yeah Well, the guy was really struggling with fame and and being recognized and didn't like going outside people make one of that But you don't know till you're in that that's all brothers and I would I don't want fame I do know I have friends that are very good at it Like Russell Peters is a good friend of mine and he walks down the street and people approach him all the time and he's excellent at it really good, talks to everyone very, very nice, but some people are not good at it. I just don't understand people's audacity. When I see a celebrity or someone who I leave them alone. I don't want to talk to them. I don't like to be a fanboy of people either, personally. We have to interact. We have to interact, but I just prefer to treat everyone. I mean, how I treat anyone else. Yeah, you're weird with that. I never understood. I like I'm a big fan of you. Well, like I remember I I didn't hold myself back when I ran into Nate Diaz at the club one time. and I was like, you're the man, bro. Like, I don't know. I just like I turned into a little kid. Like I'm a grown adult, but I'm like, that's Nate fucking Diaz, dude. And I'm just like, you're the man, bro. And I was like, and then in my head, I'm like and then after I like shook his hand, he was like, OK, bro, whatever. And I walked away. I was like, Why did I do that? Yeah. Was he cool? He was super cool. And thank God he didn't just like punch me or something. But he's a he's a bad motherfucker. Yeah, that's a bad dude. And like I was like, dude, that's that's the guy that put, you know, Conor McGregor gets the ropes, dude. You know, in his prime. You have a lot of people great fights. yeah. It's amazing. There's something about something about a chin that you can't teach. Like he's not necessarily the most tactically or things, but like I've emptied the tank. for four rounds and he won't fucking go down. He progressively gets better as the rounds go on. As he gets bloodier. I don't think he gets better instead. the other person gets worse because they're tired. Sure. Like I've thrown 300 significant strikes and landed 80 % of them and this guy still just keeps coming. What's up bro? Flipping you off like. Yeah. Unbelievable. He really is a, he can take a punch. He can take a beating. You think how do you think he's going to do against Logan or Jake Paul? You know, I don't like Jake Paul's, I don't like Jake Paul and what he's doing. Reminds me of the 19 year old kids. But I think Jake Paul is going to beat on him. Yeah, I think so. I think so. He has a punch. He has punching power. Well, if you have money and you can just spend all your time training, you can get good. It's not like those It's not like the Paul guys were bad athletes. I remember following Logan Paul like way back in the day on Vine and he'd be doing like back flips and he was like always ripped. It's not like he's just because he's online doesn't mean he's not an athlete. He's beating some legitimate fighters. Yeah. Anderson Silver is a legitimate fighter. He is a legitimate fighter. It just shows the difference between boxing and it's like trying to compete in you know improv or roast battle when you're like I just do stand up. know like but this is a niche all different but even that Mayweather McGregor fight Mayweather could have put him away in three. yeah, absolutely He made it a show and it became was a show But you gotta give him ten rounds to give him their money's worth and Mayweather is an entertainer when it comes down Well, that's that's professional sports in general. That's what I learned. That's what kind of turned me away from sports I grew up playing sports. I watched obsessively and then I learned the business side and was like I kind of hate sports Cuz it's all kind of it's all kind of fake, you know, like a little bit anytime when there's money in power man is a little bit of one and then we look up we look up to like these athletes as if like they're People that really should be giving them or their opinions matter more than like other people. It's like this But it's the WWE thing. It's like I didn't know it was scripted until you know But they're still athletes at the end of the day. I mean some of these people are at a level. Well, you'll never see again The quality of play even that new kid coming in. I'm excited to see what he can do. What's the do from Wemby? Whatever fuck yeah, Wemby and not or whatever We're gonna be saying his name a lot more but yeah, if unless he becomes a boss like some of these other guys the thing is Zion being that tall is Being that tall being that tall is tough to like to sustain it basketball is very hard on your body. yeah. The jumping and the running and then like knees. And that's where like people that like shit on like NBA players like should get paid all this money is complaining about load management is like, first of all, games are 48 minutes. You play 82 in a year. And if you make the playoffs, you have. this many games. College is only like 30 to 40 games. Yeah, but think about the wear and tear on the body later on in life. That's what they're paying them for. Yeah, exactly. They're paying them for the years where they're going to be hobbling around for 20 years. Yeah, that's why like, you see NFL guys is like, you see like dudes play one here and then dip after they got their like contract. yeah. I respect that move. Get out early, dude. Those linemen only have five years of shelf life, about four or five years in the pros, and you might as well get all the money you can and dip out with health. The peak of running backs. god. They're figuring it out. Except for... They just figured that out now. Except for... Again, he's like a Nate Diaz from the Bay, Marshawn Lynch. He'd show up any time and just do his thing. Just beat the shit out of people. Some of the people from the Bay, dude, Bay Area people are different. Yeah. You think he could? I think he could. Remember the Seahawks? He came back. Remember the Seahawks did that? He didn't play all year and then they made the playoffs and then they brought him back for the playoffs? Yeah. I think he still scored like a touchdown. I think so too. Dude, he's a beast. But the problem with that is like we were just kind of referring to is like they figured out the running back where it's like, dude, we'll switch out in two years. We'll give you a work horse. fucking schedule. We'll run you 258 times. Yeah, and then we'll get to new one on the draft. Look at Adrian Peterson. I mean, one of the greatest ever do it. I mean, but his peak was like He was he was he was tough because he would have a year where he was injured in a year like we're crushed and a year We're like he beat his kid and like suspended and a year where he comes back and crushes I think Elliot from Dallas is the perfect example when he got into the league They were costum and now I'm a Dallas fan. Yeah, I'm a Dallas fan. Yeah Are you a Patriots guy was that your team? Okay, fucking Patriots, but that's that's fair cuz you're from Boston It's like I'm from Oregon, so. What do you got? Seahawks. Seahawks, yeah. That's the closest thing we have. yeah, that makes sense. You have a couple. We have college. Oregon Ducks is big. My family was, my dad was a season ticket holder growing up. And we watched. Corvallis, right? Eugene. Eugene. University of Oregon. Nike talent. Yeah. But they developed into like a national powerhouse over the time we were. going to games like they used to suck tickets were like $19. Yeah, the coach. What was his name? Chip Kelly. Kelly. Yeah, he was turned out to be a bust in the pros. But college dude, it's so hard to be the pro game is way different. yeah. You know, you see Tim Tebow like, go to the pros. Yeah, like a god in college. You know what I've always thought was funny too is like a guy like Tim Tebow. Everyone just wanted to hate him for like, because he's like super you know, into Christianity, whatever. But like if you're like a celebrity who's into Satan worship, you're like, that's dope. But you can't, you can't be like, I want to dedicate this to God. Like they're like, yeah, I promise to God we'll have the best season ever. But Tim Tebow was also. Yeah. Pussy. Yeah. Pussy. Sour some coke. Right. But then Tim Tebow was also the quarterback of that, that Florida team that had Aaron Hernandez on it. Like. Urban Myers the coach like all these other like very very interesting characters. yeah, that's right There was like a video I watched it's like this would be the craziest documentary because the team that they had that they won national titles with it's like felony row Yeah, and then you got Tim Tebow the fucking preacher quarterback God on his back throwing touchdowns and you know, what's so funny is even as a pro he got made fun of because his technique Throwing technique was awful. Yeah, but he won some playoff games. He won more than Romo did Yeah, remember that playoff game he was on the two yard line. Yeah, hit him a cross route Yeah, he hit him on the cross route. Tim Tebow was a great passer if it was under seven yards, dude. He could do it. But he had art and he could win. That's the reason the Broncos won the Super Bowl is because they had such a good defense like if we just get Peyton Manning in here, give it to Tebow, we could win. Peyton Manning didn't do shit in that Super Bowl. I'm sorry. did not even deserve a ring. The defense should have got the ring. yeah. I remember what the Seahawks did to him though that first year. That's a fucked up thing about sports. Seahawks beat him in the Super Bowl like 43 to 8 that one year. that one. The most boring Super Bowl that we probably. God. The first play was a safety. In our lifetime probably the most boring Super Bowl. Probably the most boring Super Bowl. That was the worst. But like. That's my team and we won and I was still falling asleep during the game. But you know what we remember more is losing to the Patriots when we should have won with Lich. I got kicked out of the house party I was at. Because I was, dude I couldn't control myself. That was a crazy game. You're supposed to get the end. Have you ever seen that video? There's a video of this Seattle fan that's like, he's like, you do not. ball on the one yard line when you have Marshawn Lynch as your running back. And he runs into his big screen TV and just crushes it. He just lights it up, dude. I think that sparked the whole running into it, like, or breaking your TV thing. People started breaking their TVs. And then every year there was somebody breaking their TV over something. I think that was the last straw for me. That was the year where the Ducks lost in the national title game against Ohio State. And then we lost the Super Bowl like two weeks later. like I was just like, I was so physically sick from seeing my teams lose that I just stopped caring about professional sports. The only defense I have to the Patriots winning that silver ball is the miraculous catch that brought them down to the 10 yard line initially where the ball had been. by curse. And then it just kind of fell into his hands. It was kind of like, it was like you reliving like the David Tyler catch. You're like, there's always that one catch. And the other one. Manningham down the sidelines or the other giant loss we had another miraculous catch down the sideline It's a you when those plays happen, you know, it's the end. Yeah, exactly No, it's the end. So at that point having to lose those two swivels and then for that play to happen I was like I was thinking here we go again I thought we won. I was like just like let's go and then they threw the picked I was like I feel sick dude. Yeah, it's funny how sports hit you like that. And then you got people watching with you that don't give a shit and they start talking shit and you're just like, bro, don't talk to me right now. When the Patriots were going for the perfect season, everyone turned on me. Yeah, right? Because they didn't want to see it. just didn't want the Patriots again, you know, and being Patriots fan. See, again, it's different because you're from there. But like I lived in Oregon. There's always Patriots fans that pop up and you're like, well, you're not a fuck. That's not your team. You don't have a team. They were probably Tom Brady fans. Yeah, there's a difference. Yeah. Yeah. I was a Tom Brady fan, but I was also a Patriots fan because I was you know what? It aged poorly, but I was like a Michael Vick fan. He was like my favorite player. Michael Vick was a bad ass. He's a bad motherfucker. And that's interesting. The perspective that you learn. So I've come from the Northwest. it's very soft, granola, crunchy, liberal, but dogs are treated like people out there. So you hear about dog fighting, you're like, yo, what the fuck? But then - That's evil. I was in one of my college classes, we were in a sports ethics class, and this black dude in the back, old dude, like in his 40s from the South, raised his hand, he's like - y 'all talking like this, but like back where I'm from, like dogfighting is just what we grew up with. Like, that's a thing. And it's like, I didn't know that. I didn't know that that was like a big from originally, you know, I don't know where Michael Vick is from. Virginia. Is he from Virginia? I think he's from Virginia. Like is like a very, very. Guess the real fault in in what he did regardless of the dog fighting is bad is that he had money So he didn't need to fight dogs. Yeah, but some yeah. Yeah true Some people just love people just love gambling dude, like gambling is like another drug. It's nice from Virginia. Yeah, so that's self Yeah, so the dude was putting different culture the dude put the perspective I'm glad he said that cuz I was like I'm thinking like yo, that's fucked up. How could you ever? But if you just grew up with it and it's normalized and it's like, that's just how like shit works. Some people, dude, I went down to Columbia. yeah. South America. Bogota? I went to, I went to several places, but I didn't go to Bogota. But they treated the dogs. I know I did it a girl and she was just like, I just feel so bad for dogs and like me growing up on the reservation. Yeah, dude. It was just like you hit a dog and you're like, you just keep driving. You don't stop. Like, because there's just so many wild dogs that just live on the reservation. You guys have like skinwalker dogs. So you might've taken out an enemy. I got the op. I grew up with like a very, you know, we always had dogs, but I've, for the most part, I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew up with dogs. I grew I'm more adapted like Not so much hit him and leave like I still love him, but I'm like, I'm like, bro, I'm like, it's still a fucking dog. Wrong room. Just because it's a smart dog, it's not like it's going to help. You can't do algebra. It's not like a genius. I mean, I love dogs. Maybe you can't not love dogs. OK, don't get me wrong. I love animals. We all love dogs. Love dogs. But it's just I grew up around these wild mangy dogs that just like ran around and it was just right. And that's what it's you know. And that's why Nate Diaz is good at fighting because he grew up around dogs. Speaking of fighting, did you hear this Elon Musk? dude, is that going to happen at the Coliseum? I think it's going to happen. There's a chance it's going to happen at the Coliseum. That's insane. Did you see Adam Hunter's tweet about that? He said he said something about Dana White reportedly says he is not promoting any gimmicky fights that being said Elon Musk Mark Zuckerberg tickets will go on sale I saw the ticket tape of the limb I guess like Mark Zuckerberg's like 20 years younger Mark Zuckerberg will destroy you Yeah, I saw him. He does MMA. I've seen him sparring. I've seen him like, dude, I can't remember what he was doing. If you have time and money, dude, you can get good at MMA. I think people probably attack him all the time. I'm saying well and after yeah when I was going to tackle Mark Zuckerberg open field in the middle of the year remember the beer you remember the video you remember in the video of Bill Gates getting like pied in the face and like how awesome is that talking about like I'm bragging about meeting Pamela Anderson how about the brag about throwing a pie in front and that's that's more my style like fuck about these bitches That guy was probably a hero. He slipped it though. He was... Yeah, dude! He was spry, dude! I was like, yo! he's athletic. He's just dumb. There's a huge difference. That's the thing with a lot of the politicians are just like, I'm like... these guys are retarded. There's a reason they're politicians because they're like, just puppet for somebody to stick their hand up their head. Why hasn't Mitch McConnell been punched yet? Why has that not happened? Arm armor. Turned into dust. Good! The world would be a better place. He hasn't, yeah, dude. I'm just saying, at the Coliseum, what are they going to do? Are they going to like, refinish the floor and shit? And then like the winner decides the fate of social media. Yeah, that's right. They get the two most popular. All it really matters if you can bet on it, dude. Yeah, Elon Musk probably ruined Twitter today, though. He put a cap on how many posts you can view. I can't even I can't even refresh my feed right now I went through my feed went to the top he let you visit a certain amount of views swear to God swear well because his bigger plan is to have a social media platform that encompasses all of no it encompasses all of them it's called like I can't remember what the plan is but it's like It's to put it's to bring it all together into one so that's probably he's probably gonna fight Zuckerberg for the power of that That would be or they or they or they use that as a marketing ploy to do that But it's like that's what I've always see it's hard for me to get into discussions because people just want to get emotional like politics You know that you argue these sides of my where's the money at who's who's profiting? And if you know how corporations work and shareholders interests like they're doing it for them, you know, so so if we if we if we employ this This A virus and say you need a vaccine that you need this many is like, well, that's going to benefit a certain group of people profiting off of patenting this certain thing is like, well, that makes sense for the shareholders in corporate, you know, your, but your retirement portfolio, what good is it if you're dead? My, my, my question is why is he wanting to get all these social media together? What's, how does it benefit? What's the end game? Yeah, like who's it better for and how? Probably ease of access, you know, something like that. I mean information is power. I mean that's... Yeah, like I want to control that and I'm probably... I'm trying to combine my LinkedIn, my OnlyFans and my Instagram, Facebook into one. I have an only fudge where I just eat and bed and people prescribe. That's what I'm going for. When he told me that we were doing a podcast, I looked at it and the first one I saw was you just shirtless. God. People always say like put on your shirt and say, you know what? The fact that you hate it so much means I'm never putting it on again. It makes me want to do it more. Fuck you. Let's take my skin off that pisses you off worse You think I want to put you know, mr. Beast is talking about a lot of production value into your videos like I wake up I just film something and I'm done for the day. I just paid 1400 fucking dollars for this phone I'm not, I don't know, man, I can't figure out the game. You know, like getting these people to watch your shit. How do you, I mean, what is it? Like, how do you get people, how do you get millions of people to like you? Unless you have a great ass. And then also the attention span is just getting less and less. Yeah, totally. Well, you've seen some of the content now. It'll be a girl pressing record, stepping back on. And that's it. And you're like, what? 30 million views 30 million views I get a lot of that in my algorithm like dudes doing like motivational stuff No, it just gives you no it gives me like it gives me like this like the jokes on it because the dudes going the dudes like you can you can be a girl and your ass online and make more money than guys who are doing construction, literally building the roads we live on and the buildings that we have and electricians who keep the lights on. I was like, yeah, but. what guys you think are paying these girls to show their ass online? The construction guys. So if we pay them more, the girls are just gonna make more. So it doesn't fucking matter. Permits. We'll always pay money to see fucking permits. dude, construction. My construction homies, they're big on the strip clubs, big on the homie clubs. that's big strip clubs. You know what I do, dude? Every time I see a girl being a whore on social media. And that's offensive, first of all. I don't give a fuck. I immediately go to Google, put their name in porn after it and I always find a video. Yeah, it always leads to some kind of they're just filth. Not all of them. They're filth. I don't get me going on this fucking social media Phil stuff because these girls are cheating the game and they think they're fucking brilliant. for sure. If I had tits and ass to ought to be a million. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, I'd be a whore too. Yeah. Remember I said that I use that as a joke. I was like, Rob, I was a grabby such a fucking whore. it'll be so easy they're all driving around in range rovers and thinking they're fucking geniuses you figured out your fucking pussy makes money what i said you just cuz you're thick doesn't mean you're right yeah yeah just cuz you're thick doesn't mean you're right god put it on a shirt yeah dude i like i love that we should still put that on a shirt just because you're thick doesn't make you right i said that right in front of a girl the girl i was talking about She was beautiful. yeah. They're all fucking beautiful. I mean, dude, listen, this is a million beautiful girls. Have you been married? Have you been married or? I am currently. Are you? Yeah. Japanese girl. really? Yeah. Why'd you get so happy? She's the best. She's the best. It was easily the best decision I've ever made. Yeah. How'd you guys meet? It's not a romantic story, but. OK, OK, OK. I thought you were gonna be like, I bought her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had that joke. You said we met on eBay. I was scrolling late one night. Had a great deal. Half off. How did you guys really meet though? Was it eBay? I did a show at the Comedy Store. Me and a couple buddies went down to the Saddle Ranch, which is like right down the street from the Comedy Store. We were sitting there. I looked up. I saw her and I was like, wow, that is the cutest, cutest girl. girl. I just approached her gave my number and said hey, I want to I want to hang out. And if you're just hit me up, she hit me up and bro listen. When it comes to deciding who you spend the rest of your life with, it is one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make. Yeah, I remember having an ex telling me, like, she's like, this isn't a fucking business decision. I was like, it absolutely is a business decision. 100 % it is. It's the biggest, biggest decision because she's either going to motivate you to become a better man or she's going to whittle you down to a twig. Yeah, dude, and I've always been... And I think that's always what the misconception was about what like a lot of these, like what Andrew Tate was saying and stuff like that. He wasn't talking about just the whores online or anything like that. He was saying you need to find a high value woman. Yeah, someone who's gonna... A good woman who's gonna build you up and not knock you down. Exactly. And that guy right there, that's like alpha male fucking training right there. He's teaching you to be in the zone. But his message is actually, Andrew Schultz was talking about it, it's actually more for women. like this is how you but but the way it comes out they're not listening no it's just like alex jones i think he's a misogynist just like alex jones it's just it's the sound bite alex jones was speaking facts years before it happened but the way he delivers his message he was like they're turning the frogs gay yeah like you're like what the fuck is he talking about but he's actually did you see that shit what he went to jail for no when he had like all these funny quips where he'd be like, they're turning the frogs gay. They're teaching five year olds to suck cock in public school. And like, but he's actually like, nah. far off from the truth like a lot of this shit has resonated true. Robert Kennedy was on Joe Rogan's podcast and was talking about this chemical atrazine that they were that's in the water now, like the public water supplies. You see all these kids are like not fucking right. They're like none less than fit. I've never seen a study like why was it in the water? Was it was it a strategic thing? Yeah. What I think to demasculate people into being, you know what I mean? Like because if you have strong that's going down like Bear hasn't done that. But if you have a weak man and no one's gonna revolt or like, yeah, what the fuck is this? But the study they did with the frogs is they found this chemical they put in the water, like 40 different frogs. Four of them ended up actually turning completely female and actually able to reproduce. So now we're gonna have a whole transgender community. There we are. But that's written down in the books, like the Agenda 2030 books, like transhumanism is like an agenda that they're pushing. you gods. It's like, so they want you to be soft. They want you to question these obvious things. It's like, you're a boy, you're a girl, it's not hard to... And now we're having these arguments about this shit, while other shit's just... It's amazing the amount of things that are going on to manipulate us. dude. Yeah. All times. To make us do exactly what they want us to do. What's our people doing it to, you know, and hats off to them. it's it's it's power and money once again. Yeah. You don't think these politicians aren't the head of all this? Well, they're not. They're just they're the. It's the lobbyists are going to them saying, hey, yeah, they're lobbyists. That's what the fascism that's what fascism really is. It's like. corporate and you know. using government to execute corporate, you know what I mean? 100%, yeah, and it's happening. And we are in the dark in most of it. Well, yeah, because you talk about - Some of the smart people know what's going on. You talk about business and you talk about money and stuff and people become disinterested because it is a lot of times dry and boring to talk about. But if you don't understand why this is happening, you don't understand why they're doing what they're doing. Marketing and sales is everything. Everything's marketing and sales in this country, especially. And deflection, you gotta remember. like when you're deflecting away from what's really going on, like that whole submarine thing that happened with the billionaires. I didn't pay attention to it, dude. Yeah, but while that was going on, there were a lot of these big decisions being made. Huge things were going on and they weren't being reported. Biden's up for like impeachment? Yeah, I didn't know about that. He was moving for impeachment during that time. He should be. If any president is this fucking guy, dude. Well, also, his son's trying so hard to deflect anything that has to do with his son because... Sounds like a little parent, dude. He's a mess. Remember the movie with Chris Farley, Black Sheep? Yeah. He was trying to hide him because his brother was going for... be the politician and he kept fucking out. Yeah. Basically what they're doing with Biden. Biden's too old to really fucking know he's literally got dementia. Like he's fucking he's he's crumbling reminds me of my grandpa when we were taking care of him like yes. He's obviously not fully capable of doing things. Yeah, he can't complete sentences or thoughts anymore. Yeah, and like you're just so embarrassed any time he talks about it. And that's the president? He's not running the ship anyways. Obama's in a ditch somewhere running that fucking puppet. Yeah, it's not even him either. I don't know though. I'd be surprised if Obama wasn't doing a lot of that. Because when Obama was president, there was no controversy. Nothing was really brought up about him. And that's how this administration is going right now. They're picking on Biden, but they're not picking on how he's running the country. That's because I think Obama is in the background running it. Yeah, it's more possibly. Probably more just that party. It's like I saw something, you know, but the parties, you know, Dave, what the fuck is his name? He's a David something. Well, what does he do? He's like he's like Middle Eastern, I think. Or he's not Middle Eastern, but he's like he's he's definitely like, I don't know, David something. He's a motivational guy though. Not David Goggins, but his name's, it's Patrick, Patrick Michael Betts. What was the name? Something Patrick, Michael Patrick Betts or something like that. You know what I'm talking about? I think so. I think that's his name. Anyways, he was talking about different, like John F. Kennedy, different people who've run for politics, Donald Trump, how much money they contribute of their own to their. Campaign go and it's like 75 % of their campaign was funded by themselves All the Democratic like Clinton Obama zero all funded by special interest sure Yeah, so it's like well that that it has to be obvious when you're like this guy's literally retarded. He's not fully functional anymore Well, he's not in a position where he's strong. Like, the president is supposed to be presidential. Yeah. Supposed to be strong. And if you're too good at it, like you make too much change, they kill you. Well, that's what they did to Kennedy. And Abe Lincoln, the two guys that like probably did the most. They were for the people. Yeah, fuck that. And they made great movements to better the country, better the movement of the progression of this country. Of course they take them out. Have you ever seen a really good documentary? It's the best documentary. I always recommend it. I recommend it if you're listening to this. It's called Century of the Self. You're seeing it? No, it's about Edward Barney's, who's like Freud's nephew happens to be a Jew, of course. But he's like the father of spin. Like he used like Freud's teachings when he came to America and all the corporations would be like, how do we he basically figured out how to manipulate masses instead of calling it propaganda. They're like, well, Germans ruin that word. So we call it public relations. It's like how he like and their stories on like how he got like women to. start smoking cigarettes and like start doing certain things because of appealing to like basically the elites got together and said it's the foundation of marketing. Yeah, we're not we're not we're not we're not actually capable of a true democracy. So we have to we have to control these people because Freud's like findings are like deep down where these sexually crazy wild creatures because he talks about civilization is discontent is basically we're wild primitive beings that are always going to be unhappy because we're giving up our liberties to have a society that we can live in because we can't just be wild beasts and so he's always known with religion yeah initially yeah control right so basically and give you a moral code yeah and honestly honestly like you're like the values are pretty good like maybe you shouldn't have sex till you're married i mean i know it's easier said than done but You do that like no STDs, no unwanted kids. A lot of things you wouldn't know that there's so much better pussy out there. First of all, you want to test that you're marrying. Yeah. You want to make sure it's good. yeah. Dude, you think you've had a blowjob and then to have someone give you the double twisty just like. Don't look me in the eye. You're like, yo. STDs aren't that bad. I've never had one, but let's be honest. You take a few pills and you're fine. And you're done, yeah. So look, the point is. Apparently someone has. I don't know, right? What? How many STDs have you had? I just had chlamydia once. Okay. I got it once. Same actually. Just it. Really? Yeah. Out of all the filthy people in this room, being the most, none. Yet. I'm still in my prime. Well, I would think that I probably got more than you have. You know what I mean? I've been through a lot of beasts. This guy gets more than... Yeah? He always feels the need to point it out. I do alright. I do alright. my god. So how did we get to STDs? I know right? Let's wrap this up. This has been over an hour anyways. Are we? Yeah. We're good. I had a good time. I hope. I know. It was a wide range of, we started off comedy, we ended up in STDs. government was in there, along the way. That's how the show goes. It's the funny truth. It's the funny truth. The funny truth. I had a good time. I appreciate you guys having me on. I appreciate you agreeing to this. I'll do it again? Sure, why not?